Break His Legs
by RyuukTheHatter
Summary: Its funny seeing the way small defining points shape the human personality... Like maybe being a girl with a solid henge... Naruto finds a ninja that cares to be her brother, and now? The world will pay. Well because damn he is a psyco. Fem-naru pairing will be decided at a latter date.


***picks up my silver fox plushie the sits.***

 **Ryu-chan "hello everyone welcome to my new fan fic. Hey you with the grenade drop it. Its not my fault all my other fanfics chapters are on my desk top and that is with my dad. He refuses to hand it over. Or any of my other stuff... ."**

 **Ku *laughs maniacally from his sparkle rain bow corner of doom/* "it doesn't mater you have us now" *grins psychotically and makes that high pitched perry noise./***

 **Ryu-chan "Ku-kun darlin you need to go take a nap hun you have muse school"**

 ***throws school books into the sparkle den and snags alpaca/***

 **Fiz-Fiz"Ryuuk put me back I was asleep."**

 **Ryu-chan " I stand by my earlier statement when I started this you don't sleep if I can't sleep mister 12 hours isn't enough."**

 **Sakuya *from the other room as he makes popcorn* "Ryuuk why is everyone here?"**

 **Ryu-chan*looks guilty* " the first installment of break his legs is happening and you and Sakura helped me so did Fiz Fiz and Ku-kun sou you have to sit through this with me.. no choice cause-"**

 **all other at the same time "no one questions Ryuuk"**

" **see you do learn now who is going to dis claim its only happening in this chapter so I suggest making it epic.^-^"**

 ***Ku stands with a grin and walks closer caring his sharpened Katana* "Ry-Ry(RE-RE) not only doesn't own Naruto she is also my big sister so just remember flames are not required to make her stop writing again..."**

 **Ryu-chan... O.O *shakes head* "alright where are Kuzo's meds he obviously hasn't taken them today... he just threatened the readers/reviewers"**

 **Umi walks in with pill bottle "erm was this necessary for anyone? Cause Wren and Nova are using them as bargaining chips for training... their 5 and don't need to learn black mail yet..."**

" **oh for the love of..." throws Break his legs in and hits play. "I'll deal with it now you all just watch I need to get the twins under control and finish the next chapter when I wake up.**

 **/BHL/**

Naruto sat staring at the window waiting. One thing she couldn't stand was being late. Sure she skipped class a lot but she was never late to class. She either didn't show and told Iruka-sensei or she left after he finished the morning lesson. Afternoon lesson was Mizuki and he never taught anything she thought was relevant and everyone knew it was only the days she stayed that he did this. She would do what the Hokage taught her to and practice chakra control. Spinning her chakra this way and that till it spiraled down making it form a tiny tornado within her coils. Suppressed so that one would mistake it for a small animal.

She didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with her sensei before things even started but this was intolerable. Jiji himself even taught her that lateness was never accepted unless it was unavoidable. This had better not be a habit or, well she definitely would be making use of her new jutsu. She would just have to test him from here on out. It was just simple scheduling, she had to be come strong enough as fast as possible.

She knew she had been sabotaged, unable to learn from the teachers. So using what she did know she got the things she needed learning from scrolls, acquired by henge and or stealing, and training where no one would find her, empty training fields too out of the way that they would be used.. And don't get her started on the academy style fighting and why she never fought in class. It just made her anger sharpen. That they would purposely hinder her training. " _Thank kami for henge_ " her thought sighing into relief. Other wise she would probably be an utter idiot. Well henge and the library that is. She remembered when her first request to the Hokage pleading for help.

She knew it was wrong to use her teachings to deceive the people she would have to trust with her life, but when she heard the ninja outside her window, what was she supposed to do but take notes, to learn to use what was at her advantage. With them trying to keep each other awake on "Naruto-duty".

Her mind wandered back to when she was young. And had begged the only one she knew who could for help. How silly she had been. How naive. Her mind slipped back and she remembered the conversation that started her change from inept to somewhat intelligent as a small child.

~scene of the memory~

"Naru, what has your attention?" Gramps asked as he watched the small girl in boys clothing. The small child had been struggling, eyes unfocused and fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. She did this a lot. The shadows cast in certain ways that even with her bright blond hair. The red strip worked into the braid over her shoulder. She would come in, sit in the corner where no one noticed her. Although it was now common for her to come in with this darker style of clothing, designed for stalking shadows, it helped that she was young enough that it hid everything. Not that she didn't in the "eyesore" but then when asked why she didn't wear this out all she said was, "it was the biggest thing they would allow her to buy," and she didn't care, it was all she needed to hide in plain sight. Although if she still wore it on graduation day, it would be a tight fit...

"I'm looking for my catra, Gramps." her voice a mumble.

The man stilled the coming year she would be in the academy and learn all of this who had told her she needed to look for it?"What do you mean? Catra?" the man asked as she curled farther into the corner behind the side wall. Really her spot only had one flaw and that was the windows but only Dog and or Jiraiya used those and they never came when she was here.

"The blue stuff the Jonin keep molding. I can feel theirs whenever, but I have never felt it in me... Old man, why can they use it to do such amazing things but me... I can't even find it." She focused her eyes on him.

"Naruto, where did you hear of this." He Began, his voice demanding as he started to get worried. Her sentences were gaining in vocabulary, the year before she talked with a 3-year-old like speech pattern. But now even that was only in front of villagers, or anyone really. What had made the small girl who was so happy and lively take a turn for this? He continued to look over the girl from the corner of his eye, making note of little differences.

"You know my pranks? It's called trap setting, that's what the Jonin say it is. They don't know I'm there and listening neither do the ones with the masks. They talk a lot, you know? Like... A LOT A LOT... to the point it cuts in to my sleep. So I stay up and listen. Some talk about missions and others talk about training. Did you know that the training grounds are littered with kunai and shuriken? And that if you go there and watch some of the slightly rundown one's no one notices you? There is about three that I like to watch. One is on the outskirts of the village, the wall around it is never watched …" she stopped, her face got this slightly happy sad look on it, like she didn't want to give something up but would anyway just to keep it.

"Then there is this big one that looks like a forest... Gramps, I like that one. It isn't used often but the girl who uses it is amazing. I kinda want to ask her for pointers but she is always mad and I don't want her to hate me too." She looked like she was very taken with the girl.

" _Must be Anko_ _._ _I might be able to help both girls with their loneliness."_ The Hokage started in on his plans, forming them as just then her voice going really soft. _"Now what is this?"_ the mans eyes narrowed just slightly, as he looked at his precious granddaughter. His thought drifting to something a little more similar. Already devising plans to get his grandson, when he was older, to interact with her. Give her someone to look after, as well as giving Anko a line of support.

"Then there is the last one. It had a rundown shack on it and a lil farther away this really big house. It looks like a clan house but I leave it alone. The plants have claimed the outside and the house still looks sturdy. Anyway it's behind the Hokage Mountain and has a spiral training ground in the back yard. I claim it as mine too, I go there a lot... mostly just to think though. I can't train yet. Did you know that the Jonin and mask people fall asleep around the early morning? Every day? I tend to sneak away then but don't tell them, k? It's my training ground." She put a finger over her lips and smiled at the man that had been more family then anyone who had ever been around here.

"Hey Grandpa, I heard them call you something. Can you clear something up for me?" She looked hopeful he hoped he could answer.

"I will do my best," he swore, voice

"Well it's a couple of things. I hope it's okay," at his nod she continued, "they called you the professor, does that mean you're a Sensei? Jonin can be a Sensei too... Would you help me learn about catra and the erm ," she looked down and whispered before going all out again, "What was it... OH yeah the transformation jutsu! I need to learn because then I can go in the stores..." she said then looked to the side "and hide that imma girl better," her voice so soft it broke his elderly heart.

"Well in order, dear one, I am the professor, named so for my love of learning and reading. Yes, both Jonin and myself are considered teachers but anyone can be a teacher or Sensei. Naru, as your first lesson, it's Chakra, you miss the h and the t is a k. Now, as for your second lesson, never tolerate lateness. Never be late and if someone is late then they aren't coming. Understood? It is a waste of time staying where they said they would be. If they do not respect you then you don't need to spend your time on them. If someone isn't willing to make you a priority, then you can "politely" disrespect them." He smiled as the small girl launched herself at him crying into his chest. He could only thank Kami that this small girl had him because if she turned out like how he was hearing the Suna one was, then maybe none of them would survive.

Sakura's loud voice exclaiming exasperation, had Naruto blinking back to the real world. Taking a look at the pinkette she wondered why academics was really her strong suit. The girl had a punch that rivaled that of most Chunin so what made her think her brain, which never showed anywhere but in tests that never happened in true combat, was the girl's main focus.

She then turned her attention to the over privileged brat of an Uchiha. If one looked really hard, tilted their head just right and used a magnifying glass they would be able to see... well a kid really. A kid with an older brother complex that just plain annoyed her. It almost felt like he preened over the attention he got. It made her want to knock him down a few pegs. It was not like he was Shino or Shikamaru or even Kiba. He had no appeal what so ever, no personality that anyone ever saw.

" _Tch."_ This teacher wasn't shaping up to be much. If he wasn't going to give his time to being a Sensei then why should she waste her time showing up at the right time for him either? The other Sensei' were early. EARLY! Not ten minutes late. Not twenty. Their Sensei was going on an hour and a half! He had missed the ceremony, he had missed the well wishes, which had taken the hour and a half because of the rambunctious noise most of her friends, she tested the word not really caring for it, had thrown in a big excited exclamation, as well as a prompt brawl with most of the others that had taken Iruka-sensei a while to break up, and now he was ten more minutes after Iruka had left.

She looked at the time. it had been thirty minutes since Iruka and the others had taken their leave, the only ones remaining being Sakura, Sasuke, and herself. If he wasn't there in the next five she was gone. No more Miss Nice Girl. She would listen to the old man. Lateness was intolerable. So she got to work making a note for her sensei, or who was supposed to be her sensei. She watched as each minute ticked by and as soon as the last of the five trickled passed she stood and walked over to Sakura.

"Hand this to sensei if, or, when he finally decides to show up, k? It's really important." Naru then walked out of the class room via the window and dropping to the ground only to take off for the Hokage Tower. She didn't care to turn around where her team stared in shock. Too distracted by their other 'male' member, leaving to notice two clones moving this way and that, leaning out the window to catch where 'he' went, the clones then transform themselves into spiders to make their way to their respective perches on the two oblivious Genins' feet.

~later~~

Time passed slowly for the Two remaining Genin ticking by till Kakashi opened the door he felt a whoosh then was cold, wet, and annoyed. As he looked to where his students were, with his hair dripping "isn't there supposed to be three of you?"

Sakura walks forward with a towel and hands it to her late sensei, all the while her inner Sakura jumping up and down squealing. Then she handed him Naruto's letter.

 _Dear Supposed Teacher Person,_

 _Hi, I realize the life of a Jonin is really busy and all but that's beside the point. I would suggest not being late again. Aside from that, depending on when you get this, I would advise you go to the Hokage's office. He will be very angry._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Naruto._

Kakashi looked out at the sunset then at the time scrawled at the top of the page. " _1:30. He waited exactly 15 minutes to leave and report to the Hokage... hmmm..._ He took the other two up on to the roof and proceeded as planned.

"Alright, tell me a little about your selves," he stated, his first words since telling them that he disliked them. Their tensed faces morphed to relaxed (ones00 ). "You first, Pinkie: name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams of the future. Go!"

"Sensei, shouldn't you go first to show us what we need to do? I mean, as the teacher of course," she said, batting her lashes and leaning forward, mimicking what she saw some of the older women do towards men, thinking it would be cute. Maybe make her a little more like-able.

"Hm? Well~ okay. I'm Hatake Kakashi. My likes are few, my dislikes are many, my hobbies are not for your young ears, and my dream for the future? I don't have one," wiggling his finger in his ear.

He figured that they thought given how they glared at him in unison, " _they only know my name"_

"Go,Pinkie," he stated in a bored voice, annoying Sasuke given the pissed expression. The pinkette looked all around then got a flustered look throughout her telling, almost as if embarrassed. As she started, her mind drifted farther and farther into the fan-girl gutter.

"Hi, I'm Sakura Haruno, my likes are..." she looks at Sasuke and can only think of that morning watching him get dressed. "I mean the person I like is..." she stares dreamily at Sasuke. He starts to inch farther away from the obsessed girl. "I dislike?" she looked to be lost in thought, as if testing the word on her tongue and finding it lacking for what she wanted to say. "No, I hate Naru-baka and Ino-pig. They're always in my way." She started smashing her fist into her palm, her teeth clenched in an altogether unhealthy look of hate for the two people she stated. "My hobbies?" she squealed and he could practically see the projection be hind her, at the thought of her, what he could only assume was, Sasuke paraphernalia her nose started to bleed at the thought of her "little" Sasuke shrine. "and my future?" Her eyes became distant. As blood started to fully leak from her nose she fully shook herself and grinned as if the _discreet_ removal of the red life liquid went unnoticed by said recipient of the unwanted affection. Inner Sakura was giggling madly at the thought of being Sasuke's wife.

O _h god, it's one of the ultimate fan-girls... Why, Hokage? WHYYYYYYY?_ Kakashi screamed in his head. He felt the need to go crawl under the covers of his bed and stay there.

Where the two had been sitting on the same bench at the beginning, Sasuke now sat on a bench closer to their sensei. Hoping for strength in numbers. His face giving way to the thoughts that he knew all too well the obviousness of him as he tried to talk himself down from the edge.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha. My likes?" He looked his teacher in the eye "I'm not saying them in front of her." He shuddered then while frantically shifted his eye to the fan-girl in the corner still lost in her fantasy. The blood unnerved him. "My dislikes are fan-girls and things that are overly sweet. My hobbies are training with my big brother and cousins, and my dream for the future is to be able to support my big brother and win in a spar with him." He smiled slightly at the thought of training. And couldn't help how this was going to go with that doofus Naruto.

 _At least this one is normal. Now it seems that the third is still a relative mystery. His apartment wasn't even that detailed. There were no personal fixtures at all. If I didn't know any better I would start looking for a new place of residence._ Kakashi searched around to see if the blond had maybe shown up.

The tiny arachnids made their way around discreetly, one going into the pouch with a book as it passed into the seal becoming hidden in with the orange monstrosity that he reads. The other nestled happily in the silver hair, completing the end of their commands and sitting tight for a ride.

"Alright. I have an announcement to make to you. The next part of your exam for being a Genin is tomorrow. It will be a survival training." The scream of displeasure had the 26-year-old sending out a small burst of Killing Intent. "I suggest you don't eat breakfast and that you be here at 7:00 am. Otherwise you'll throw up. Given that your team mate isn't here I suggest you tell him about this. The test is mandatory. So be there before me," he stated as both pre-teens stood up and made to leave.

Kakashi never noticed the little insects that made their way to him through the conversation. He didn't notice the one that slipped in his hair, leaving the one to disperse, disappearing with a very tiny poof of wind, leaving not a trace that any of them had been bugged.

"That stupid baka has to learn to do things on his own," the pinkette stated in a huff, returning to make googly eyes at the Uchiha who launched off the balcony. His eyes were already searching for the idiot blond.

' _I'm not g_ _oing to fail just because that fool doesn't show up,_ ' he thought bitterly. Eyes scanned the scenery.

~~~~with Naru 2 hours after the note~~~~

She was about ready to just call it a day. What more could she do? It was already 3:30 and her training was supposed to start an hour and a half ago. But here she was sitting in the Hokage office in her normal spot. The man was talking with her about her day. But when he got to one question, she faltered.

"Do you plan on telling them, my dear?" he asked, his eyes never straying from the document. His curiosity and the need to know showing in his voice. Something pushing him to favor keeping "him" hidden.

"Sounds like a good prank huh? Me hiding in plain sight..." She grinned her smile fake, as fake as the henge she wore. She knew no one would ever guess... So it really didn't matter. "What do you think, Jiji?" Her face was a little hopeful that he might think otherwise.

"Sounds good to me, dear, as long as you're happy. I just want you safe." And if she was anything like her mother when she grew older then things would hit the fan soon after her stroll through puberty.

~~~~to the northeast in the village of Taki~~~~

A man strode through the central square when a shiver went through his whole body. His whole form stopped to a standstill as he whipped around to the southeast.

"SOME BITCH IS GOING TO PAY~" he sing-songed in a high pitch whisper. Several women stopped and looked at the shrouded male, being too close to not hear and taking offense that the male even uttered that one word. His maniacal grin and K.I. going haywire as the urge to slaughter several people filled him. His long cape obscured him from the blazing heat. His steps left a print as he began to make his way to the entrance of the village.

The whole of the street cleared a path for him.

As he disappeared from view down the walk way one couple breathed simultaneously "Damn that drunk."

-In the Hokage office-

The old man staring at his 'granddaughter' before quickly whipped around to see if someone stood over him with a weapon. Seeing no one, he turned to the girl grinning as if nothing was wrong but made a mental note to up his guards. His hand snagged a pen as he searched for a blank paper to do just that and took his eyes off of the child for only a split second. Turning back, he had to do a double take.

"Hey, Gramps, who exactly did you send as my sensei? I mean he isn't even at the academy... even now."

The voice that came from the cat had him searching the chakra signatures around his room. " _What the hell?!_ " The fluffy twin-tailed yellow/cream cat had reddish-orange stripes in its tail and striking aqua eyes. The sapphire streaks making it look extremely exotic.

The battle aged man just stared dumbstruck, as the cat licked its paw, as if not even touching the fact that it just spoke. It sounded oddly feminine compared to the boy-ish voice that he was used to since the girl had learned early on in her training to adjust her voice to help with the henge. Her practice with it had some interesting resaults

"N-N-Naruto?" he wondered out loud. His eyes widened) exponentially. The feline did a slow lick of its paw then almost shimmered back into that of his granddaughter. The transition giving no form of smoke that normally accompanied the dispelling process.

"Did I trick you? I thought you might like that form. I have a few others I can do but the dog tends to get more attention than the cat... Inuzuka's are crazy, Gramps. The bird is easy and so are a few of the others. I am still working on a few of the more difficult ones... Gramps? You okay?" She wasn't giving the whole truth but that was neither here or there as he would most likely find out soon given her team place ment. Not much could be hidden from the Sharingan.

"Yes, Naru dear, you did a great job of fooling this old man. Your sensei is very well respected. And the only one I could ever think of putting you with." " _And probably the only one that can control you,_ " he mused, the man's thoughts turning darker.

The girl seemed to be having a dazed moment and curled up on the couch in the corner of his room. "I'll wake you when he arrives, dear one. Not to worry," the male behind the desk stated and watched as the young ninja drifted off.

Or appeared to. Instead she just simply relaxed until she could safely compile all of her thoughts then go over everything she knew of her team. The sensei was obviously going to upset her at some point and probably favor the Uchiha and fan-girl to some degree.

The Uchiha. Probably the most annoying holier than thou male she had ever met and that didn't include the rest of that over-privileged clan. Kami, they were just as bad as those pretentious x-ray pervs that lived in the Hyuga clan. But those were the breaks. Uchiha's and Hyuga's got the best, everyone else just followed in line.

Then there was the Haruno's, the merchant guild masters of Konoha. They typically acted like royalty. Whatever they wanted tended to be in reach. They always believed that they were right kind of like the other two "royalty" ninja clans. And Sakura had no problem flaunting this in front of others. She tended to rub it in to the other non-Shinobi family kids in the class. The other civilians tended to fall in line.

She mentally hit her head repeatedly against her hands. This team was a design from hell. If further annualized, they would be balanced on paper. But only paper. She purposely hid how much she knew, hoping to get good teammates and play the system in her favor. The likely hood of a Uchiha being their leader was high. It was almost damn near assured, and that just made things worse. The Harunos wanted their daughter to be with an Uchiha to bring prestige to her clan... any, even a female, would be good enough for the socialites. This caused her to think only on her appearance and it was nearly impossible to get her to do anything else. This made room for casualties on the team, if one member couldn't, wouldn't, defend them selves or their charge then the slack was pulled from else where;. She knew that Haruno would never ever train. It (and she quoted) "caused her to sweat too much and she refused to look bad or smell bad in front of Sasuke-kuuuunnnnn~!" which just out and out nauseated Naruto. " _Tch_ " they were all 12-13, how in the hell could they be thinking about … She shivered at the thought.

And that didn't even count on how horrible it would be for everyone. Any danger they got in would have the Uchiha trying to do it himself, Naruto trying to help and being pushed aside, and the Haruno being dead as a door nail. And it somehow all ending up being her fault, cause for the Haruno it was always the Uzumaki's fault.

And the Uchiha? If it ever got out that she was technically the last of her bloodline hell was going to break loose, she had acquired the information from the archives. The shelves had been packed with extensive research done on the Uzumaki, if one knew where to look... though now all of that was packed into a scroll so no one could find it. The Uchiha might jump on the fact that it is a lost clan trait and try to secure it through marriage. Just because they wanted to commandeer a bloodline that would mesh well for themselves.

Long ago she gave up on the idea of any form of relationship till she was much older. As she still currently was. So when her first kiss was stolen by the Uchiha she couldn't care less though she did want to wash her mouth out with soap. He literally needed to broaden his food intake when all she could smell and taste on his breath was tomatoes and rice. She had started to gag.

After what felt like minutes in her mind-space she felt the influx of info that pulled her from the meditative state. She continued her ruse of sleep till the information sunk in. Her sensei, who he was, and what she knew of him. On top of other things, she gleaned from her teams encounter with the Jonin who wasn't just a Jonin. He was THE Hatake Kakashi... and her day just got worse. Majorly worse. She might just break his legs as of yet.

/BHL Chapter 1 end/

 _ **so now that you have read this please tell me what you think if something doesn't make sense just yet ask and I will try to help. Plus if you don't like something tell me why and I will try to fix it. Also if you like it and have a "premonition(plot thought) you might wanna see let me know maybe I can throw it in. and for a note this is a cliffy your not supposed to know yet.**_


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